I had a CRC session and then followed up with another session with a friend named Jan, who is also a CRC prayer team member. We prayed more through an issue that came up in my first session. This time the Lord took me even deeper, and I realized the origin of the problem occurred when I was just a child when I accidentally saw a clip of a soap opera. It was the first unclean thing I can ever remember seeing, and I felt dirty my whole life afterward. Jan told me to let the adult Amanda see the child Amanda, and I saw an innocent little girl with shock and confusion on her face. I saw that I did not PRODUCE that sin but rather was abused by the sight of it. Jan asked if I could see Jesus there. At first when I tried to see Jesus, I saw one posing as Jesus. After dealing with him, I saw the real Jesus. I could see that he hated what had happened. It was grieving him. Jesus began to intentionally gaze at me in a redeeming way, already beginning a life of protecting me from the results of what the entrance of that sight would create in my heart and mind throughout my life. It was as though he was trying to outstare me. My eyes were fixed on that television, and He was fixing His more powerful purifying gaze on me, knowing that one day it would overcome and undo all the effects of that moment. For the first time I saw myself in that moment as a victim instead of a participant and an instigator. Something was unveiled in my mind, like the root of my insecurity and critical mind had been exposed and undone. I feel free!
Amanda, Spring, TX
May 12, 2015